Create a Calm-ish Holiday Season With These Simple Habits
The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year but for many of us, they’re also the most exhausting. Between the travel, social obligations, gift-buying, and picture-perfect expectations, it’s no surprise so many people end December feeling more depleted than joyful. According to cognitive psychotherapist Nar Flesiano, the key to reclaiming peace during the holidays lies in simplifying, setting boundaries, and prioritizing connection over perfection.
The Overwhelm of Holiday Expectations
Modern life already keeps most of us running at full speed. When the holidays arrive, that pace collides with heightened expectations from elaborate meals to Instagram-worthy decorations leaving little room for rest or reflection. The culture of “bigger, better, more” pushes people to overextend themselves, while social media amplifies feelings of inadequacy. It’s easy to lose sight of what really matters when we’re caught in a cycle of comparison and overcommitment.
Simple Strategies to Manage Holiday Stress
The best way to fight overwhelm isn’t to do more it’s to slow down. Flesiano suggests starting each day with a small moment of calm, such as one minute of mindful breathing before checking your phone. Creating small rituals like lighting a candle or savoring your morning coffee without distractions helps anchor you in the present. She also recommends identifying three key activities or moments during the holidays where you’ll commit to being fully present. Whether that’s Christmas dinner, a quiet night watching movies, or baking cookies with your kids, consistency in these small practices can make a big emotional difference.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t about being rude it’s about protecting your energy and mental well-being. Before the holidays begin, take time to decide what you can control and what you can’t. Communicate your limits clearly and kindly with friends and family. Maybe that means attending one fewer party or setting aside quiet time during a family visit. Boundaries create space for compassion both for yourself and for others.
Evaluating Relationships and Emotional Limits
In recent years, more people have begun cutting ties with family over disagreements or emotional strain. While protecting yourself from toxic relationships is important, it’s also worth reflecting on the history and value of those connections. Not every conflict requires a permanent break. Sometimes, honest conversations and mutual understanding can restore what was once meaningful. Ask yourself what’s truly valuable not what’s expected.
Choosing Connection Over Perfection
If you’ve ever stayed up late decorating, cooking, or wrapping gifts only to feel empty afterward, you’re not alone. The pursuit of perfection often overshadows the joy of connection. Instead of striving for flawless meals or spotless homes, focus on the people around you. The laughter, the stories, the shared moments that’s what lasts. Social media perfection fades, but genuine connection lingers.
Why Experiences Matter More Than Gifts
Research backs this up. The Harvard Study of Adult Development one of the longest-running studies on well-being found that strong relationships are the single greatest predictor of happiness. Experiences release hormones like oxytocin and serotonin that promote long-lasting contentment, unlike the quick dopamine rush that comes from receiving material gifts. Years later, people rarely remember what they unwrapped but they do remember who was there.
Mindfulness and Presence During the Holidays
Mindfulness doesn’t have to mean long meditation sessions. It can be as simple as being present while you drive or putting your phone down during dinner. Embracing moments of stillness even boredom helps your brain slow down, fostering clarity and gratitude. Try setting “device-free” moments during the holidays, so you can connect fully with loved ones and enjoy deeper conversations.
Reflecting on Holiday Traditions
Take a moment to reflect on what made past holidays meaningful for you. Was it a favorite dish, a game night, or a quiet walk after dinner? Focus on recreating those emotional memories, not just the activities themselves. Ask yourself what you want your children or loved ones to remember in 20 years the stress of the season, or the feeling of connection. Simplifying traditions, even as an experiment, can reveal what truly matters most.
Final Thoughts: Redefining Holiday Joy
The holidays don’t have to be a performance. They can be a pause a time to reconnect with the people and values that sustain you. By choosing connection over perfection, you create space for what really matters: peace, presence, and love.
