From Just Married to Forever Strong: The Real Talk Every Newlywed Needs to Hear
When I first got married, I thought love would do all the heavy lifting. Turns out, it’s not love that makes marriage work—it’s the daily decisions, the uncomfortable conversations, and the shared vision that really move the needle. If you’re newly married or about to be, this one’s for you. Let’s talk about what actually matters in building a marriage that lasts.
1. Your Marriage Will Change—And That’s a Good Thing
One of the biggest mistakes I see couples make early on is thinking the hard stuff they face now will always be this way. Trust me, it won’t—if both people are committed to growth. Esther Perel once said most people will have two or three marriages in their lifetime… often with the same person. Why? Because we evolve. Who I was five years ago isn’t who I am today, and the same goes for my spouse. Growth is inevitable. Fighting for each other through those transitions? That’s what makes marriage beautiful.
2. Combine Your Finances (Yes, Really)
Unless you’re dealing with something serious like addiction or a betrayal, combining your finances isn’t just practical—it’s powerful. It creates unity. You start seeing money as ours, not mine and yours. That mindset shift alone can transform your marriage. My advice? Budget together. We love using EveryDollar, but whatever tool works for you, use it. The key is doing it together. It’s not just about the math—it’s about the teamwork.
3. Your Spouse Isn’t Your Savior
Here’s a tough one: your spouse can’t complete you. That’s a dangerous myth. If you enter marriage expecting your partner to fix your insecurities or make you whole, you’re setting both of you up for disappointment. I had to learn this the hard way. Marriage works best when two whole people choose each other daily—not when one person leans on the other to fill their emotional gaps. Do the work on yourself. Grow together. But never outsource your healing.
4. Say What You Really Mean
If I had a dollar for every time I expected my spouse to read my mind, I’d be retired already. Communication is everything. Talk about your holiday expectations, how you want to raise your kids, who’s doing the dishes—all of it. Yes, it’s vulnerable. Yes, you might get rejected. But the only way to grow together is to speak honestly. Withholding your true thoughts doesn’t protect your partner—it creates distance.
5. Stop Comparing Your Marriage to Everyone Else’s
We all do it—scrolling through social media, seeing perfect couples in Bali or buying dream homes before 30. Here’s the truth: comparison is a marriage killer. What you’re building together is yours. Focus on that. If this is something you struggle with, check out my episode on comparison and contentment—it dives deep into how to stop letting other people’s lives ruin your gratitude for your own.
Final Thoughts
Marriage isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about becoming a better version of yourself with someone else. It’s messy, beautiful, frustrating, and fulfilling—all at once. And with intentionality in your finances, identity, faith, and communication, your marriage can be not just strong—but unshakeable.
So whether you’re just off your honeymoon or a few years in, let’s keep having these honest conversations. Because this kind of real talk? That’s what builds forever.
